This is the first time I'm just "winging it" by writing this blog entry. In the past I've written out what I'm going to say, fixed it all up, and posted it here. The thing with that though, is the feeling I had at the time that I wrote it is lost once I actually get to posting it. As my friend, Kay, said just yesterday: I shouldn't second guess myself or plan too much about what I'm going to write. "It's more important to write spontaneous and unplanned posts, as often as you can..." So that's what I'm going to do!
I've noticed that I've been judging people to quickly as of late. I Facebook all the time, and love it when people write on my wall or send me messages. Usually I respond right away. When my friends don't do the same, I feel like they are just getting older, changing, and don't want to be as close of friends as we used to be. I was talking this through with my friends Tammy and Mackenzie, and realized how selfish that really is. I mean, not everyone can just get on the computer every second of the day, and when they see I've sent them something, reply immediately.
Another area is when my friends don't ever talk to me. Maybe once in a while they'll be on the computer and are able to chat for 10 minutes or so; then I don't hear from them again for a month. After a while I just give up ... but that's where I'm wrong. If I am a true friend, I shouldn't give up so easily, because I will more than likely lose a good friendship. I also need to realize that my friends are busy; they still care about talking, but have lots of other things to do as well (as I've been finding out recently myself!).
I guess I want everything and everyone to be perfect, respond the way I think they should, and always be there for me. Well, the truth hurts, but life isn't that way. Yes, it's true that if you call someone a friend, they should be there and stick up for you. But it goes both ways. I certainly can't act the way everyone wants me to, and I shouldn't have to feel pressured to do so. Which is why I shouldn't expect that of others.
I want others to think of me as a good, caring friend. God has blessed me with so many people in my life. There's a reason He placed them there, so why judge? I need to first, pray about this problem and second, be more open with you all as my friends. Whenever something is burdening me or I just can't understand a certain action one took, I tend to try and let it go or forget about it and say it's not important. What I should be doing is talking it out with the person and get things straight, before I get all these crazy ideas in my head. I'm shy, and don't like to share my feelings with others in person, which is a major reason why I started blogging: I can let you all know at the same time what I'm feeling/thinking. Thanks for reading, and if you have any comments please email or FB me; I'd love to hear from you!