As of today it's been one full year since I've been in Mexico... can't I go back?

Teach me

"Teach me to number my days,

And count every moment,

Before it slips away...

It happens in a blink, it happens in a flash -

It happens in the time it took to look back -

I try to hold on tight but there's no stopping time,

What is it I've done with my life? ...

Slow down, before today becomes our yesterday...

Before you turn around and it's too late...

It happens in a blink."

I had planned on writing out my thoughts from this month, but the more I think about it the more I think I'd rather wait until things calm down in my life. Quite a bit has happened and I need to sort out my thoughts, as well as spend time in prayer, before sharing. Right now I would just ask for your prayers. I pray for each one of you daily!

I am sitting here thinking about how I will be done with school tomorrow, and it's still not sinking in. I will be completely finished- forever. A good feeling, but strange all the same. Today I got through two of my three remaining classes. Tomorrow I just finish with History and take a few tests, then it will all be over!

There are going to be so many new things coming up in my life. Whether it be through the new school year at college, this summer, or even the next couple of weeks. I am completely looking forward to everything, no matter how easy or difficult it may be. May I glorify God through my decisions and actions.

Sometime towards the beginning of August I plan on having a "graduation/going away" get together at my church after the evening service. I will post a Facebook invite when I get more details, and I trust all of my friends will be able to come, even if only for a few minutes. Nothing big. I would just like to see as many of you as I can before I leave... you know I'll have my camera out too ;)

Second guess

Why must I always second guess myself when it comes to replying to a comment that is in Spanish? Most of the time I know all the words and can translate in my mind to English, yet I still go to my dictionary or online translation site to make sure.

Sigh. Maybe after being in a Spanish class again I will be more confident.

A close... right?

Seems like it was yesterday I started my senior year of high school; now it will be over in a week or so. Am I happy? Absolutely! But that's not all I'm feeling. My life is going to be very different in a matter of months, and I'm just not sure I am ready.

College will be a huge change. I know it is for most students, but I look at it differently than some of my friends who have, or will be, graduating. I've been homeschooled from 3rd grade up. Even now I still wish I could have changed that, at least for the last year or two of high school. There are many things I miss... being with friends every day; being able to ask a question when something didn't make sense in class; gym time; attending student meetings. There are also things that I'm not going to be able to do that I had always looked forward to, mainly: a real graduation ceremony. I'll be finishing school soon, and once I complete that very last class it's just over.

That's it. Done.

Somehow it's like an unfinished book. You read and read for hours, you finally get to the last chapter which wraps everything up, then you close the book, disregarding the final chapter. I've gone through 12 years of schooling, I come to a close, and... what? That's all there is. I will now just move on to the next 'chapter' of my life.

So there's no graduation ceremony, and yet I'm still satisfied. Here's why... God's brought me closer to Him! He has been with me every step of the way, never letting me go. Sure, I've taken plenty of falls, but He had helped me back up. I don't believe I would have seen as much spiritual growth as I have, had I attended a Christian high school. I'm not saying there would have been no growth. I'll never know what might have happened. All I know is what did happen.

Just thinking about everything that's lead up to who I am now is completely overwhelming to me, even as I type this out. My God is such a gracious, merciful, magnificent, patient, caring, and loving Father. I can't begin to write all that He's shown me, especially in these last 2 years. Everywhere I look, each memory that comes to mind- it all comes back to Him. I'd like to leave you with a few thoughts, some areas in which God's hand had control.

The fact that I was able to get through all 12 years of school amazes me. I went to a Christian school in 1st and 2nd grade, then my mom decided to try homeschooling my sister and I. It was such a long time ago I can't remember what I thought of the idea at the time, or even what my first few years of homeschooling were like. One memory I do have was saying goodbye to some good friends. CCS was where I made my first best friend Liz. Knowing that I probably would never see her or anyone else again was quite saddening to a little girl like me. I was (and still am) shy, so making friends could be hard sometimes. The friends I was able to make became close, and I was leaving all of it. Over the next few years the Lord brought new friends into my life, some of who I still keep in contact with.

Stepping into high school brought on new challenges, yet many I tried to overcome on my own. At the time I don't think I was very close to the Lord. I was always in church, always playing the piano each week. I brought my Bible on Sundays and Wednesday nights. I loved God. But He wasn't a major part of my life, only when "big things" came up.

It was when I went on our yg's mission trip to Mexico last summer where my heart changed. I don't want to repeat what I said previously on my trip, although I could go on and on =) I would encourage you to read for yourself in an earlier blog post. The point I want to emphasize most right now is this. God showed Himself through the people in Mexico. Serving Him was most important to those people, many of who I am blessed to call my friends (and there are ever-so-many stories to tell there!). After being with them for 10 days, I realized I wanted what they had in my own life more than anything I'd ever wanted. So I chose to reach out to God, and was blessed beyond measure. It's impossible to express all He's done in one year, or what He's shown me He is able to do in others. If you're around me for any length of time you'll undoubtedly hear about God's faithfulness in my life. I love sharing what He's done!

All this to say, I want the Lord to continually be first in everything I do. Trusting Him isn't always easy, but in the end it's definitely worth it. It brings an unexplainable joy and peace to my heart. Going to college isn't going to change that. There will be new challenges, new friends, new experiences. The Lord is the One I will go to and lean on to get me through the next four years, which will prepare me for the rest of my life. My prayer is that others will see Him through me. I want to spend my life serving Him.

Please pray for me as I finish my last week of school, for my preparations for college this summer (physically and mentally), and my first semester at Maranatha College.

Psalm 139

I read this in my devotions this morning and would like to share these verses -

"O Lord, though hast searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and are acquanted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether. Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I assend up into heaven, thou art there... If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee. For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee... Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

Emotions ~

So simple, yet so complicated...

all together, then it all falls apart...

sometimes shared, other times kept inside...

understandable, then unexplainable...

laughter and joy; tears and pain....


Yet God is carrying me through it all. So I'm trusting Him, knowing that He has a perfect plan for my life.